the Street to Islam

From the Street to Islam
Disclaimer: This convert story has been published on ChallengeYourSoul.com as is, without being edited. It may promote views & ideas not supported by ChallengeYourSoul.com and/or which are not Islamically correct.
I did not find Islam within the light in which I was in good times, nor did I embrace it due to bad times. There was a reason many may understand and it is simple – there was a emptiness and through all the years of my life, I felt this emptiness. Though I was born within an Arab family, I grew to see the walls filled with gold frames that embrace the words of Allah the All Mighty but I did not know what they were. You have to understand that to be born in an Arab family and with Muslim by name – does not qualify as one to find Islam or even become a Muslim.
To my left and to my right, and wherever I went, I found masks of lies and did not find Islam in which one would think it be found. I didn’t find it in the examples of family, nor people in my community, not even with daees. Many of them I abhorred and would walk to the next road and most of the time, my anger would be on the sisters too because they would speak and do something else. And though I was not Muslim then, I loved truth. I loved it for all it stood for and didn’t tolerate hypocrisy on even the smallest things. I did not like pushy people, nor people who love advising instead of living it by example. I have and will always be that type of person because we live in a world of too many words and people need to see action.

I came from a background of violence, whether in family, relatives or whether in the streets. To think of it – it is a miracle I am alive today. Out of the friends I know today, many are either dead, shot in the head, or lost in prison, or gone mad, or living the life of crime, or died of speeding in cars to alcohol and drugs. I, who didn’t want to be saved, who ran as far as I could from God or any mention of Islam, found it in the most unlikely places of all.

I was the last in every race in school and the one who stood in that corner, waiting for parents to come to see my results or for parents evening. They never would come. Too busy with jobs or their own life and distractions. I was one of those kids, who would get beaten in home and then beaten at school. I would get so beaten that I began to enjoy the pain and soon, I would not feel it and would believe that I deserved what I got. As time grew, I became tough inside and unfortunately so for my parents who would most of the time, lash out due to the hardship of life or something I still haven’t figured out why. I am sharing this because I want you to know that the cut is deep for many Muslim youths today. The cut is deeper than you think.

You cannot talk to them of Fear of Allah because they have lived in fear and overcome it. You cannot talk of pain and loss, because many have lost all they had and even their parents. You cannot talk about sacrifices and dignity because those of dignity never sacrificed or gave them dignity. It can only start with trust and we would surely test you, to see if you loved us so or we were but government numbers in a file or your next promotion. That is why, youths would give some people hard time, when they came to help.

I had only a few years with my parents – living in their home because I was left in Yemen to rot. All due to the glory of, “finding a job and the boom of the steel industry in England.” So I lived, fought, survived in the streets of Yemen. Sometimes with my grandma and sometimes in caves, and something’s I was so tired, I would just drop on the street or trees. I came to UK as a teenager to meet parents who were strangers and always became strangers later on in life. I failed in the education system because I had to keep an eyes on my sisters and brothers. Making sure they are safe from parent pressure and anger, depression or the world outside and its bullies. That is why, they are all flying degree students or have their own jobs in high flying careers. Allah SWT had a plan but I was not sure of anything then, never mind about our Lord and His existence.

Even today, I wonder and see all the talks, that are aimed at solving the challenges of what the youths face – to think if they live in some cloud because the issues are deeper than one can imagine. You see, I lived my life and even now, where I would walk in street and my father would walk past me with no acknowledgement. I would even sit with my mother when I visit her and feel no love at all. Though I but give respect and only because truth has taught me this. My brothers and sisters are strangers to me but I still keep an eye on them and help them without them knowing its me.

So you see, in one way I am blessed as a Muslim but in another, I am damned too and not because of Islam or Allah SWT but because each day is torture for me. For I know, what Islam teaches of love for parents. Of having that feeling of love for them. I don’t have those feelings and it is rare for me to do so for anyone but I do give respect and a show of love, due to what I adhered and learnt from books on courage, honour, before I ever embraced Islam. And to not hurt anyone’s feelings. If disliked anyone, I do not mix with them. I can and still do detach as easily as a thought but in a way, this helped me years to come to detach from the world.

I lived in the streets most of my life. I failed in the education system that has really no answers on how to face the challenges I was facing in both worlds. I have seen things as a child, which no child should see. I have seen and been to places as a man, where no man should be, due to the street life. I have for a very long time, slept with uneasiness and with knowing that if I do not find what I am looking for and find it fast,– I would end up as many I knew have done. A bullet in my head, a gang war that was not worthy of a life or a mess up that ends me in prison. Or building someone else’s dreams.

I used all my frustrations to figure out how to read and write. I locked myself away through books, after books. I would go to the books written by people who are already successful. I had no time for fairy tales and people who teach but don’t do. I would sleep maybe 3 hours to four hours a day. I had an aim. It was revenge against life. I live from childhood to adulthood with that anger but in doing so, I became hungry for knowledge. I read and read, and read, and read and I feared no challenge. Much of that which I see people fear makes me even today kind of surprised or bewilderment. I grew with discipline and had the talent for business and not because I had great business skills. I just didn’t fear people, or their opinions and I could take rejections like duck to water. I knew, the better I was at taking rejections, the more successful I became. And successful I did.

I left home as a teenager and kept reading, reading, and buying software’s, walk for miles after miles every day to just use a computer and apply my skills. I became a designer, author, comic illustrator, and piled on the skills. I even learnt to read Arabic. And just when I was ready to go for the big job, I got hit big time. My parents were so distracted, that they got all my sisters and bros the British Citizenship except me. I couldn’t get a job anymore due to no identity. I had nothing. No birth certificate and couldn’t get it from my country. Our country is in shambles.

But that was fine because it only made me more determined but for years, I could not get the citizenship. One thing after another, the Home office gave reasons, papers to sign, evidences to get, paper to find which I could not find. So I left it to just go and build up skills and set up my own business.

Each business I set up failed. I failed but start another one. Again that failed. I failed in a total of 9 times. Would you believe it? 9 times and each time, the loss and risk was great but I started again. I always did.

I set up another one and again. I was just too hungry to get out of the hole and area I lived in and the people I mixed with or know. I grew more determined than ever. I knew there will be a time that my failure will help me to find success. That is all success is. A process of failure to success. I just had to fail enough times and learn from them to be stronger, wiser, and apply.

Then one day, I stood still and that empty feeling came again. This time, I was not going to ignore it. So I left everything to travel from one city to another to find my answers. I could not find them in churches. I did not find them in synagogues and nor mosques. I did this for years and ended up back in the streets but still, there was this question – where next? How come in all I do, I still feel empty? Why am I here on this earth? What is the reason? Where is this going to end? Is there something else after this life? Is there just one, just one human being that cannot betray themselves and be truthful? Is there just one human being with an example? Just one who is on time, who gives without reminding and who doesn’t remind people because they want to save them?

As I lived on bread, cups of tea, soup runs which was given in streets at nights with dry bread, I asked, “if there is someone who made all this, just answer my question. If you, whoever you are, exist, then just answer this simple question….what am I suppose to be doing here? What am I suppose to do and go to? What is all this about?

Then, after two years in street to then move from one hostel to another, a young man stopped me. He asked who I am and from there we began to talk. As we did, I saw my reflection and saw my hair had grown long, dreadlocks. My face thin, and my eyes with large bags. I looked old for a 20 year old man.

I had nothing to lose, so I went with this man and he and his family welcomed me. For first time, I saw what a family is really about. For first time, I saw love, compassion, brotherhood. But what hurt me was when I was asked to share my life – they were stunned or thought it was a fable story. It was fine. I understood that my kind of world was further away from there’s.

One week later, I woke up from sleeping in a Telephone booth. I got up and it was fajir. I turned to a large mosque in Birmingham. I walked to it with uneasiness because the way I was dressed. I walked in and no man stopped me. I walked to see it furnished with nice carpet. I went to the Central Heating and as I sat and just when I was about to lay on the warm carpet, I heard a man recite. And the words shook me. It shook me hard. I began to feel…fear. For first time, I felt..fear. I was stunned, and turned round to hear these words:

Say, “He is Allah who is the One

Allah the Eternal Refuge

He neither begets nor is He begotten

There is none like unto Him.”

I left the mosques and these words would roam my mind, again and again. They would not leave me. I wanted to know more. Who is this Allah? No man can write such words. I found some Muslim men on Saturday in city centre of Birmingham and asked if I could take some books. They said they were free and I can have them. I began to read and read, and read. The more I read, the more it made sense.

I embraced Islam and I took to the streets – going to where the drugs were, the hustlers were, the prostitutes were, and told them about Allah. I spoke to them in the language they knew. Myself and the brother who took me to his family once, went together. Now there is two. There were four. Then the four became ten brothers. The ten became twenty. The twenty became 200. I began to write newsletters called Word Out Publications and suddenly, on two months, we filled a hall with 200 brothers and sisters in Islam.

A new chapter began but the challenges never ended for me but I laughed at them this time. I saw them as lessons weaved in a great tapestry and it was my job to listen to the Feedback the tests were giving me. I could share more but I rather just share one thing briefly:

Years ago, I was given a DVD. I never watched it. I never took notice. Someone gave me it and I don’t even remember. I just got it and it had no cover on it. Just someone gave me it, saying I wanted answers to my questions. But I just didn’t watch it.

Years later, I am standing in a room with a man who spoke the same language, had big visions and was not scared of achieving them either. His conduct, his mannerism was what I searched for. His character surpassed many I met before him. I began to work with him and he never broke his promise. I am not an easy man to work with because my life is busy due to succeeding later on businesses and doing talks, to helping youths.

One night, I was home after Isha and I wanted to find one of my books. As I pulled out some folders, a DVD fell out. I don’t know why but I put that DVD on the laptop and it was the same man I just left. The same man I met in that room. The same man, the journey has took me. The same man, Allah (SWT guided me to) and the same man who I grew to respect.

I started to laugh. I laughed because of the plan Allah SWT did on me. I laughed with joy because of how life turns out. I couldn’t believe it. All these years, that DVD could have answered my question but I just didn’t try to watch it.

Oh, before I forget. The man the journey took me to, and the DVD I didn’t watch till that time was of someone you will know - Shaykh Khalid Yasin.

Through my life, I have been a singer and songwriter. Meeting the likes of formerly known Cat Stevens and at times, sitting in studios with record producers of major labels. I have been a performer, to writer, and editor of my own newspapers. I have through the challenges moved into many roles to realize the reason for this only in the last couple of years.

The Muslim world needs people who can adapt, who can change so easy and to any climate. Can talk in the language of the youths to CEOs and anyone else. The Muslim world needs people who do not just talk of challenges of what youth follow but needs those who been there and speak the language of the youths. I never found home till I embraced Islam. I never found my purpose, till I embraced Islam. I never found so much work, so much success in all the fields I am in – until I embraced Islam.

It was like, Allah (SWT) was preparing me to toughen up and be ready for what is to come. If ever hard time comes and you question it – then just take a note that one day you shall see the purpose in it. You may not know now or even in a couple of year’s time but the answer will reveal itself in time for you to say, “Ah, thank you Allah.”

I don’t know about you but the world today needs men and women who do not talk anymore but do more. Who do not advise so much but live and show by their example. And are radiating by their superb example and love for their brothers and sisters in Islam. Who do business together, who invest in each other and do not give advice on a spelling mistake or misprint alone but purchase and invest in their brother or sisters vision or business. For only then, shall your words will have weight. Only through actions.

I shall not you and nor shall you know me from words. You shall know through ACTION! That is all we have control over. Our actions and the rest we leave to our Lord, Allah the Most High.