11 Food Tips for Your Wedding
Reprinted from Soundvison Islamic Information and Products
Food is the key element of almost any party, whether it's a wedding or any other social occasion.
For Muslim weddings, it is important to remember that a Walima is Sunnah, and food is normally served on this happy occasion. There are a couple of things to consider here:
1. Start planning well in advance
You may think food is something that should only take a couple of days or weeks to plan. Not so.
You will need to book catering services or make arrangements for food at least a couple of months in advance if you want things to work out in an efficient and organized way. There are a lot of details involved, so don't wait until the last minute to do this!
2. Write down all the things involved in food preparation
This includes cooking the food, getting waiters and waitresses to serve the food, deciding what kind of menu you want, how you want the food to look, etc.
Write down all of the tasks involved so you can get a clear picture of exactly what needs to be done.
3. Select a wedding food committee
This committee is responsible for taking care of all food arrangements for the wedding. It must work in consultation with you. You will make the main decisions, but they will take care of the details including booking caterers, getting servers, etc. Get a friend with experience in this field to be in charge of this committee. Make sure to give them a written list of things to do.
A note of warning though: make sure that once the caterer has been booked, the food committee doesn't meddle unnecessarily in the arrangements.
Let the professionals handle their territory in the way they know best. The wedding committee should just take care of booking the caterers, providing them with the right guidelines for food preparation, and occasionally checking up on them.
4. Establish a budget
How much should you really spend on wedding food?
This can only be determined after careful research. If you've started planning on time and you've got your food committee in place, give them a deadline to get this information to you by (i.e. the cost of catering, servers, etc.).
Then once you have the options in front of you, you can decide how much you're willing to spend on food for the wedding.
Islamically, weddings should be simple. Consider this Hadith: 'The best wedding is that upon which the least trouble and expense is bestowed". (Mishkat)
5. Decide if you want to cook the meal yourself or cater
There are advantages and disadvantages to each option.
a. Cooking your own food:
Advantages:
you offer exactly the kind of food you know your guests will like
you could save more money
you can offer your own personal touch to the menu
Disadvantages:
you will be taking on a lot of work with no professional staff to help you
you must remember that cooking involves not just making the food, but ensuring that all utensils and wedding table paraphernalia are set up properly
you will have to work out how the food is going to be served
b. Catering:
Advantages:
you have one less burden to worry about-caterers usually take care of all details related to preparing the meal, utensils, etc. but confirm this with them
catering can lend a more professional look to your wedding
they may have special arrangements to keep food warm until it is served to guests.
Disadvantages:
it can be expensive
you could be restricted to the menus the caterers are offering
6. "Fats, oils & sweets: USE SPARINGLY!"
This was the title of a section of the food pyramid guide which is used to teach about good nutrition.
If you can cut back on these things in the wedding menu for the benefit of ALL guests (those with heart conditions, diabetes, etc. and those who don't have these problems) you will be doing everyone a favor.
For instance, for meat, try using lean meat in dishes. You can reduce oil in rice and other foods.
For dessert, instead of serving the traditional ones which may be dripping with syrupy sweet goo or are full of fattening cream (i.e. most wedding cakes) consider servings of fresh fruit. This is a really good option in summer, especially.
7. If you're catering make sure they will allow you to use your own meat
This is important for those Muslims conscious about eating Zabiha meat. Make sure that you have the option of providing meat to the caterers for you meal. If not, consider switching to another caterer.
8. Ensure the food will be warm when it is served What could be more disappointing than cold, unappetizing wedding food?
There are different ways of getting around this problem. If you decide to get the wedding food catered, discuss this issue with the caterers and see what solution they propose. Some places may arrange for burners to keep the food warm throughout the wedding.
If you are cooking yourself, you can also look into renting burners for this purpose, but check with the wedding hall administrators to ensure they don't have any restrictions about this (they may say no to burners if they feel it is a fire hazard to have them there).
If burners are not an option, another way of getting around this dilemma is to ensure the hall you book has an oven and microwave, preferably more than one. That way food can be warmed in time for the meal. The drawback of this approach though is that it will require a number of people to efficiently warm the food in time for serving.
9. Diversify your menu
Should you serve a traditional Middle Eastern, Indian, Malaysian, or American menu?
Living in a country that's a "melting pot" gives you the advantage of serving guests food of different ethno-cutural backgrounds.
Even if the bride and the groom are of the same cultural background, it should be remembered that not all of the guests may be. Also, kids today may be of different cultural backgrounds, but when it comes to food, hamburgers, pizza and french fries, for instance, are favorites across the board.
You don't have to have an entirely Turkish or Pakistani menu. You can have the main meal of one ethnic background and the dessert of another.
Also, don't forget to take into account the needs of those with certain dietary restrictions. Can you offer a sugar-free dessert for the benefit of guests who have diabetes? Can you cut back on lots of rich, fatty food for the benefit of everyone, especially the heart patients among your guests?
10. Decide how the food is going to be served
There are different ways caterers serve food at weddings and other such occasions. These include the following:
American service: individual plates are prepared and hand-delivered to guests. You will need lots of organized servers for this to work properly and efficiently
Buffet style: long tables of food are set up and guests serve themselves. This is actually an option that can save you money because fewer servers are necessary. Also, less food is wasted, since guests take only as much as they want, instead of being stuck with a specific portion
Family style: in this setup, large platters of food are brought to each table and people help themselves. This can be helpful if you have families coming, but it will obviously require servers, which will cost more money
11. Take into account clean up
When you're booking caterers, make sure they are willing to take care of cleanup as well. Otherwise, you, your family and friends may have to end up washing dishes on the wedding day when you've got more important things to look after.
Wednesday, July 29, 2009
Muslim World Marriage Customs
Muslim World Marriage Customs
by Amber Rehman
In the Muslim world, marriage customs and traditions vary as much as the colors in a rainbow.
All retain the Islamic obligatory acts, which make a marriage valid and include other practices, which are individual to their surrounding cultures.
Here are customs from some parts of the Muslim world. Please note: not all Muslim marriage customs are necessarily in line with Islamic values.
India and Pakistan
In the Indian subcontinent, a marriage is reserved to three days of customs and traditions.
The Mehndi is the event where you put henna on the bride and groom's hands. Marked by traditional songs and dances, it sometimes extends to two days - one day over at the groom's place to put henna on his hand and the second day over at the bride's house to put henna on hers.
The actual Nikah is called a Shadi, which is traditionally done by the bride's side. This is the signing of official paperwork in the presence of an Imam.
After signing these papers and doing some religious ceremony, the couple is declared husband and wife. To celebrate, guests eat of the many lavish dishes that are served.
To announce the marriage officially the Walima takes place as a feast given by the groom's family. Both husband and wife welcome the guests and mingle with them while people eat dinner.
The United Arab Emirates (UAE)
As a tradition in the UAE, the setting of the wedding date marks the beginning of the bride's preparation for her wedding.
Although the groom is also put through a series of preparations, the bride's are more elaborate and time consuming.
She is lavished with all sorts of traditional oils and perfumes from head to toe. Traditionally, she is not seen for forty days by anyone except for family members as she rests at home in preparation for her wedding day.
During the week which precedes the wedding, traditional music, continuous singing and dancing take place, reflecting the joy shared by the bride and the groom's families.
Laylat Al Henna (literally, the night of the henna), which takes place a few days before, is very special night for the bride, since it is a ladies' night only.
On this night, the bride's hands and feet are decorated with henna. The back-to-back feasts and celebrations involve both men and women who usually celebrate separately.
Egypt
Egypt has been exposed to many civilizations, such as the Greek, Roman and Islamic ones. The marriage customs of Egyptians make it easy for a couple to get to know one another, for the families meet often.
It starts by the suitor's parents visiting his fiancee's house to get her family approval to complete the marriage and reaching an agreement, which contains two main items: an amount of money, called Mahr, paid by the suitor to his fiancee's family to help them prepare the furniture of their daughter and a valuable jewelry gift, called Shabka, given by the suitor to his fiancee. The value of this gift depends on the financial and social levels of the suitor's family.
When the two parties complete the agreement, they fix an appointed date for the engagement party.
When the house of the new family becomes ready, the two families fix a date for the wedding party.
The night before wedding day, the relatives, friends and neighbors get together to celebrate "the Henna Night".
The next day, the marriage contract is signed and registered. After sunset, the wedding party starts and the couple wears their best dresses and jewelry.
Malaysia
In the Malaysian tradition, the bride and groom are treated as "king and queen for a day".
During the betrothal, the pre-wedding meeting between the bride and the groom's parents, the dowry that will be given to the bride is determined as well as the date of the solemnization.
The berinai (henna application) ceremony is held prior to the wedding. The bride's palms and feet are 'decorated' with the dye from the henna leaves.
Akad Nikah, which is the signing of the contract, is normally presided over by a Kadhi, a religious official of the Syariat (Shariat) Court. A small sum of money called the Mas Kahwin seals the contract.
The recent trend is to hold the solemnization in the mosque as was performed during the Prophet Muhammad's time (peace and blessings be upon him).
Singapore
In the tradition of Singapore, the Mak Andam (beautician) as well as members of the bride's family will waylay the groom and ask for an 'entrance fee after the bride is ready.
Only when they are satisfied with the amount would they allow the groom to see his bride.
After successfully overcoming the 'obstacles', the marriage ceremonies take place. Relatives sprinkle petals and rice (fertility symbols) on the couple seated on the 'throne'.
by Amber Rehman
In the Muslim world, marriage customs and traditions vary as much as the colors in a rainbow.
All retain the Islamic obligatory acts, which make a marriage valid and include other practices, which are individual to their surrounding cultures.
Here are customs from some parts of the Muslim world. Please note: not all Muslim marriage customs are necessarily in line with Islamic values.
India and Pakistan
In the Indian subcontinent, a marriage is reserved to three days of customs and traditions.
The Mehndi is the event where you put henna on the bride and groom's hands. Marked by traditional songs and dances, it sometimes extends to two days - one day over at the groom's place to put henna on his hand and the second day over at the bride's house to put henna on hers.
The actual Nikah is called a Shadi, which is traditionally done by the bride's side. This is the signing of official paperwork in the presence of an Imam.
After signing these papers and doing some religious ceremony, the couple is declared husband and wife. To celebrate, guests eat of the many lavish dishes that are served.
To announce the marriage officially the Walima takes place as a feast given by the groom's family. Both husband and wife welcome the guests and mingle with them while people eat dinner.
The United Arab Emirates (UAE)
As a tradition in the UAE, the setting of the wedding date marks the beginning of the bride's preparation for her wedding.
Although the groom is also put through a series of preparations, the bride's are more elaborate and time consuming.
She is lavished with all sorts of traditional oils and perfumes from head to toe. Traditionally, she is not seen for forty days by anyone except for family members as she rests at home in preparation for her wedding day.
During the week which precedes the wedding, traditional music, continuous singing and dancing take place, reflecting the joy shared by the bride and the groom's families.
Laylat Al Henna (literally, the night of the henna), which takes place a few days before, is very special night for the bride, since it is a ladies' night only.
On this night, the bride's hands and feet are decorated with henna. The back-to-back feasts and celebrations involve both men and women who usually celebrate separately.
Egypt
Egypt has been exposed to many civilizations, such as the Greek, Roman and Islamic ones. The marriage customs of Egyptians make it easy for a couple to get to know one another, for the families meet often.
It starts by the suitor's parents visiting his fiancee's house to get her family approval to complete the marriage and reaching an agreement, which contains two main items: an amount of money, called Mahr, paid by the suitor to his fiancee's family to help them prepare the furniture of their daughter and a valuable jewelry gift, called Shabka, given by the suitor to his fiancee. The value of this gift depends on the financial and social levels of the suitor's family.
When the two parties complete the agreement, they fix an appointed date for the engagement party.
When the house of the new family becomes ready, the two families fix a date for the wedding party.
The night before wedding day, the relatives, friends and neighbors get together to celebrate "the Henna Night".
The next day, the marriage contract is signed and registered. After sunset, the wedding party starts and the couple wears their best dresses and jewelry.
Malaysia
In the Malaysian tradition, the bride and groom are treated as "king and queen for a day".
During the betrothal, the pre-wedding meeting between the bride and the groom's parents, the dowry that will be given to the bride is determined as well as the date of the solemnization.
The berinai (henna application) ceremony is held prior to the wedding. The bride's palms and feet are 'decorated' with the dye from the henna leaves.
Akad Nikah, which is the signing of the contract, is normally presided over by a Kadhi, a religious official of the Syariat (Shariat) Court. A small sum of money called the Mas Kahwin seals the contract.
The recent trend is to hold the solemnization in the mosque as was performed during the Prophet Muhammad's time (peace and blessings be upon him).
Singapore
In the tradition of Singapore, the Mak Andam (beautician) as well as members of the bride's family will waylay the groom and ask for an 'entrance fee after the bride is ready.
Only when they are satisfied with the amount would they allow the groom to see his bride.
After successfully overcoming the 'obstacles', the marriage ceremonies take place. Relatives sprinkle petals and rice (fertility symbols) on the couple seated on the 'throne'.
Weddings: A Time to Thank Allah
Weddings: A Time to Thank Allah
By Muhammad Ash-Shareef
“And of His signs is that He created for you from yourselves mates that you may find tranquility in them; and He placed between you affection and mercy. Indeed in that are signs for a people who give thought.” - Surah Ar-Rum, 21
In this time of happiness, when gifts are received, hugs are generously donated, and laughter sprinkles the tables, we must remember who gave this all to us.
In this verse, Yamtann Allahu Alayna – Allah reminds of us of His favour upon us. Every husband in this room, it is Allah that created your bride. Every bride in this room, Allah created your husband. Allah created the pairs and then blessed the pair with love and mercy.
Then Allah says: “Indeed in that are signs for a people who give thought”. Let’s take the time now to give a little thought to Allah’s favour upon us.
Sulayman – alayhis salam – sat his son down one day and taught him about Allah and life. Allah mentions what he said:
"And We enjoined upon man (care) for his parents. His mother carried him, (increasing her) in weakness upon weakness, and his weaning is in two years: Be grateful to Me and to your parents; to me is the (final) destination.”
Thank Allah:
1. Every thing that you enjoy, everything that you love is from Allah:
“And whatever you have of blessing (indeed) it is from Allah!”
2. Thank Allah, remember Him and He will remember you. Allahu akbar!
“Remember me and I shall remember you, and be thankful to Me and do not be ungrateful.”
3. Allah will give us more when we are thankful:
“And (remember) when your lord proclaimed, ‘if you are grateful, I will surely increase you; but if you deny, indeed, My punishment is severe.”
I’ve heard of Muslims that regularly donate half a million dollars to the Democratic Party to have their picture taken with Clinton and his wife! They place these pictures up in the middle of their homes in all pride and honour.
Yet to every parent, let me draw your attention the most noble picture to put up in your home. Allah ta’ala put His majesty and every parent in this world in a portrait: “Be grateful to Me and to your Parents!”
Scholars have said that being grateful to Allah is to be grateful for the Iman that He has blessed us with. And to be thankful to our parents is to be grateful for the hard work they went through to raise us.
Ibn Abbas raa said, “There are three things that will not be accepted if it’s mate is not fulfilled. (And he mentioned), “Thank Me (Allah) and your Parents...” – Luqmaan 31/14.
Ibn Abbaas continued, “Thus whoever thanks Allah and is not thankful to his parents, Allah will not accept it from him.”
The scholars understood this and set the example for us. Haywah bin Shurayh (ra), one of the Imam’s of our Ummah, used to give classes in front of his home. During the class, his Mother would call him to feed the chickens. He would stand up, leave the Halaqah, and go feed the chickens.
Sufyan ibn Uyaynah – one of the Ummah’s greatest scholars – said, “Whoever prays the 5 salah has been grateful to Allah. And whoever prays for his parents after the Salah has been grateful to them.”
My mother in Law, Ali’s mother once told me about when Ali was young. He would come home from school, run up to her and give her the strongest hug. Then he would top it off with, “Mummy I love you.” She would mention the story and then let a tear drop.
As we get older, words like ‘I love you’ become harder for us to say. Yet as much as it becomes harder for us to say, as much as it becomes more precious to the parents.
I ask Allah ta’ala that we not forget this innocence, when we were without sin, when we used to bring a smile to our parents.
Let’s keep making them smile. And In doing so, we would be thanking Allah.
By Muhammad Ash-Shareef
“And of His signs is that He created for you from yourselves mates that you may find tranquility in them; and He placed between you affection and mercy. Indeed in that are signs for a people who give thought.” - Surah Ar-Rum, 21
In this time of happiness, when gifts are received, hugs are generously donated, and laughter sprinkles the tables, we must remember who gave this all to us.
In this verse, Yamtann Allahu Alayna – Allah reminds of us of His favour upon us. Every husband in this room, it is Allah that created your bride. Every bride in this room, Allah created your husband. Allah created the pairs and then blessed the pair with love and mercy.
Then Allah says: “Indeed in that are signs for a people who give thought”. Let’s take the time now to give a little thought to Allah’s favour upon us.
Sulayman – alayhis salam – sat his son down one day and taught him about Allah and life. Allah mentions what he said:
"And We enjoined upon man (care) for his parents. His mother carried him, (increasing her) in weakness upon weakness, and his weaning is in two years: Be grateful to Me and to your parents; to me is the (final) destination.”
Thank Allah:
1. Every thing that you enjoy, everything that you love is from Allah:
“And whatever you have of blessing (indeed) it is from Allah!”
2. Thank Allah, remember Him and He will remember you. Allahu akbar!
“Remember me and I shall remember you, and be thankful to Me and do not be ungrateful.”
3. Allah will give us more when we are thankful:
“And (remember) when your lord proclaimed, ‘if you are grateful, I will surely increase you; but if you deny, indeed, My punishment is severe.”
I’ve heard of Muslims that regularly donate half a million dollars to the Democratic Party to have their picture taken with Clinton and his wife! They place these pictures up in the middle of their homes in all pride and honour.
Yet to every parent, let me draw your attention the most noble picture to put up in your home. Allah ta’ala put His majesty and every parent in this world in a portrait: “Be grateful to Me and to your Parents!”
Scholars have said that being grateful to Allah is to be grateful for the Iman that He has blessed us with. And to be thankful to our parents is to be grateful for the hard work they went through to raise us.
Ibn Abbas raa said, “There are three things that will not be accepted if it’s mate is not fulfilled. (And he mentioned), “Thank Me (Allah) and your Parents...” – Luqmaan 31/14.
Ibn Abbaas continued, “Thus whoever thanks Allah and is not thankful to his parents, Allah will not accept it from him.”
The scholars understood this and set the example for us. Haywah bin Shurayh (ra), one of the Imam’s of our Ummah, used to give classes in front of his home. During the class, his Mother would call him to feed the chickens. He would stand up, leave the Halaqah, and go feed the chickens.
Sufyan ibn Uyaynah – one of the Ummah’s greatest scholars – said, “Whoever prays the 5 salah has been grateful to Allah. And whoever prays for his parents after the Salah has been grateful to them.”
My mother in Law, Ali’s mother once told me about when Ali was young. He would come home from school, run up to her and give her the strongest hug. Then he would top it off with, “Mummy I love you.” She would mention the story and then let a tear drop.
As we get older, words like ‘I love you’ become harder for us to say. Yet as much as it becomes harder for us to say, as much as it becomes more precious to the parents.
I ask Allah ta’ala that we not forget this innocence, when we were without sin, when we used to bring a smile to our parents.
Let’s keep making them smile. And In doing so, we would be thanking Allah.
Conditions of the Walee (Guardian)
From www.islam-qa.com by Sheikh al-Munnajjid
QUESTION: What exactly constitutes a guardian, as is needed in the nikkah ceremony? I am a female Muslim, and I want to know if my older brother is acceptable for this role.
ANSWER:
Praise be to Allaah.
There are three pillars or conditions for the marriage contract in Islam:
Both parties should be free of any obstacles that might prevent the marriage from being valid, such as their being mahrams of one another (i.e., close relatives who are permanently forbidden to marry), whether this relationship is through blood ties or through breastfeeding (radaa’) etc., or where the man is a kaafir (non-Muslim) and the woman is a Muslim, and so on.
There should be an offer or proposal (eejaab) from the walee or the person who is acting in his place, who should say to the groom “I marry so-and-so to you” or similar words.
There should be an expression of acceptance (qabool) on the part of the groom or whoever is acting in his place, who should say, “I accept,” or similar words.
The conditions of a proper nikaah (marriage contract) are as follows:
Both the bride and groom should be clearly identified, whether by stating their names or describing them, etc.
Both the bride and groom should be pleased with one another, because the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “No previously-married woman (widow or divorcee) may be married until she has been asked about her wishes (i.e., she should state clearly her wishes), and no virgin should be married until her permission has been asked (i.e., until she has agreed either in words or by remaining silent).” They asked, “O Messenger of Allaah, how is her permission given (because she will feel very shy)?” He said: “By her silence.” (Reported by al-Bukhaari, 4741)
The one who does the contract on the woman’s behalf should be her walee, as Allaah addressed the walees with regard to marriage (interpretation of the meaning): “And marry those among you who are single…” [al-Noor 24:32] and because the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Any woman who marries without the permission of her walee, her marriage is invalid, her marriage is invalid, her marriage is invalid.” (Reported by al-Tirmidhi, 1021 and others; it is a saheeh hadeeth)
The marriage contract must be witnessed, as the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “There is no marriage contract except with a walee and two witnesses.” (Reported by al-Tabaraani; see also Saheeh al-Jaami’, 7558)
It is also important that the marriage be announced, as the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Announce marriages.” (Reported by Imaam Ahmad; classed as hasan in Saheeh al-Jaami’, 1027)
The conditions of the walee are as follows:
He should be of sound mind.
He should be an adult.
He should be free (not a slave).
He should be of the same religion as the bride. A kaafir cannot be the walee of a Muslim, male or female, and a Muslim cannot be the walee of a kaafir, male or female, but a kaafir can be the walee of a kaafir woman for marriage purposes, even if they are of different religions. An apostate (one who has left Islam) cannot be a walee for anybody.
He should be of good character (‘adaalah – includes piety, attitude, conduct, etc.), as opposed to being corrupt. This is a condition laid down by some scholars, although some of them regard the outward appearance of good character as being sufficient, and some say that it is enough if he is judged as being able to pay proper attention to the interests of the woman for whom he is acting as walee in the matter of her marriage.
He should be male, as the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “No woman may conduct the marriage contract of another woman, and no woman can conduct the marriage contract on behalf of her own self, because the zaaniyah (fornicatress, adulteress) is the one who arranges things on her own behalf.” (Reported by Ibn Maajah, 1782; see also Saheeh al-Jaami’, 7298)
He should be wise and mature (rushd), which means being able to understand matters of compatibility and the interests of marriage.
The fuqahaa’ put possible walees in a certain order, and a walee who is more closely-related should not be ignored unless there is no such person or the relatives do not meet the specified conditions. A woman’s walee is her father, then whoever her father may have appointed before his death, then her paternal grandfather or great-grandfather, then her son, then her grandfathers sons or grandsons, then her brother through both parents (full brother), then her brother through her father, then the sons of her brother through both parents, then the sons of her brother through her father, then her uncle (her father’s brother through both parents), then her father’s brother through the father, then the sons of her father’s brother though both parents, then the sons of her father’s brother through the father, then whoever is more closely related, and so on – as is the case with inheritance. The Muslim leader (or his deputy, such as a qaadi or judge) is the walee for any woman who does not have a walee of her own.
And Allaah knows best.
QUESTION: What exactly constitutes a guardian, as is needed in the nikkah ceremony? I am a female Muslim, and I want to know if my older brother is acceptable for this role.
ANSWER:
Praise be to Allaah.
There are three pillars or conditions for the marriage contract in Islam:
Both parties should be free of any obstacles that might prevent the marriage from being valid, such as their being mahrams of one another (i.e., close relatives who are permanently forbidden to marry), whether this relationship is through blood ties or through breastfeeding (radaa’) etc., or where the man is a kaafir (non-Muslim) and the woman is a Muslim, and so on.
There should be an offer or proposal (eejaab) from the walee or the person who is acting in his place, who should say to the groom “I marry so-and-so to you” or similar words.
There should be an expression of acceptance (qabool) on the part of the groom or whoever is acting in his place, who should say, “I accept,” or similar words.
The conditions of a proper nikaah (marriage contract) are as follows:
Both the bride and groom should be clearly identified, whether by stating their names or describing them, etc.
Both the bride and groom should be pleased with one another, because the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “No previously-married woman (widow or divorcee) may be married until she has been asked about her wishes (i.e., she should state clearly her wishes), and no virgin should be married until her permission has been asked (i.e., until she has agreed either in words or by remaining silent).” They asked, “O Messenger of Allaah, how is her permission given (because she will feel very shy)?” He said: “By her silence.” (Reported by al-Bukhaari, 4741)
The one who does the contract on the woman’s behalf should be her walee, as Allaah addressed the walees with regard to marriage (interpretation of the meaning): “And marry those among you who are single…” [al-Noor 24:32] and because the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Any woman who marries without the permission of her walee, her marriage is invalid, her marriage is invalid, her marriage is invalid.” (Reported by al-Tirmidhi, 1021 and others; it is a saheeh hadeeth)
The marriage contract must be witnessed, as the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “There is no marriage contract except with a walee and two witnesses.” (Reported by al-Tabaraani; see also Saheeh al-Jaami’, 7558)
It is also important that the marriage be announced, as the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Announce marriages.” (Reported by Imaam Ahmad; classed as hasan in Saheeh al-Jaami’, 1027)
The conditions of the walee are as follows:
He should be of sound mind.
He should be an adult.
He should be free (not a slave).
He should be of the same religion as the bride. A kaafir cannot be the walee of a Muslim, male or female, and a Muslim cannot be the walee of a kaafir, male or female, but a kaafir can be the walee of a kaafir woman for marriage purposes, even if they are of different religions. An apostate (one who has left Islam) cannot be a walee for anybody.
He should be of good character (‘adaalah – includes piety, attitude, conduct, etc.), as opposed to being corrupt. This is a condition laid down by some scholars, although some of them regard the outward appearance of good character as being sufficient, and some say that it is enough if he is judged as being able to pay proper attention to the interests of the woman for whom he is acting as walee in the matter of her marriage.
He should be male, as the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “No woman may conduct the marriage contract of another woman, and no woman can conduct the marriage contract on behalf of her own self, because the zaaniyah (fornicatress, adulteress) is the one who arranges things on her own behalf.” (Reported by Ibn Maajah, 1782; see also Saheeh al-Jaami’, 7298)
He should be wise and mature (rushd), which means being able to understand matters of compatibility and the interests of marriage.
The fuqahaa’ put possible walees in a certain order, and a walee who is more closely-related should not be ignored unless there is no such person or the relatives do not meet the specified conditions. A woman’s walee is her father, then whoever her father may have appointed before his death, then her paternal grandfather or great-grandfather, then her son, then her grandfathers sons or grandsons, then her brother through both parents (full brother), then her brother through her father, then the sons of her brother through both parents, then the sons of her brother through her father, then her uncle (her father’s brother through both parents), then her father’s brother through the father, then the sons of her father’s brother though both parents, then the sons of her father’s brother through the father, then whoever is more closely related, and so on – as is the case with inheritance. The Muslim leader (or his deputy, such as a qaadi or judge) is the walee for any woman who does not have a walee of her own.
And Allaah knows best.
Monday, January 12, 2009
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